About Sephardi Jews

You know you’re Sephardi when:

1. You are related to everyone you know but you’re not exactly sure how

2. You call your dad’s good friends ‘uncle’

3. You try to haggle in department stores

4. At your Bar/Bat mitzvah loads of people you don’t know came and lectured you on how cute you were as a baby

5. At family gatherings you hear the word “Mashallah” at least 50 times

6. You had a moustache at the age of 10

7. You speak 5 Languages, but you are fluent in none

8. In your home, you have more carpets than rooms

9. You drink arak as if it was water

10. You’ve never heard of tax

11. You kiss on both cheeks

12. You have more hair on your legs than on your head. (men only. I swear...)

13. You have one joker of an uncle who has literally the funniest stories to tell

14. He has either been married several times or has a model wife

15. You have a don in your family. An elder that everyone respects and no-one argues with.

16. Most family gatherings descend into fierce arguments about the Middle-East

17. Your dad is in some way, shape or form an mental/crazy/extreme

18. If you don’t finish the food on your plate your mum gets offended

19. If you finish what is on your plate, you are given twice the amount you started with

20. You get stopped at security for “random checks”

21. After family gatherings your cheeks hurt from being pinched so much

22. You laugh at people who get fake tans

23. Your mum screams at you until you come down to dinner

24. You click and clap weirdly (variations include the “double handed two fingers in the air click”)

25. Your family reminisces about how life was ‘back home’ but when asked if they want to go back reply “Are you out of your mind!!??”

26. You know how to “kililililili!” (girls only I’m afraid)

27. You smoke shisha better than anyone else

28. Even sneezing makes you sweat

29. You go skitz when people call you arab. You’re NOT.

30. You have strange medical theories and customs such as eating red onion when you catch a cold.

31. You love the sun, sea and sand.

32. You have a death warrant meaning that even if you wanted to you couldn’t go back to your
country.

33. You are the master at changing the subject when people ask you where you’re from.

34. You’re parties always include the standard Arabic tunes

35. You tell no-one but they’re also on your ipod

36. People confuse your synagogue with a mosque

37. You eat Shawarma, Rice and Hoummus on a regular basis

38. You have strange curses and insults like: “May G-d strangle you” and “May your head be buried
in the sand”

39. You know that if you are gay, you WILL be disowned

40. You wear a half buttoned white shirt with hair sticking out

41. You have to teach your parents how to read a text

42. You have more cousins than people in your school.

43. You have had a slipper thrown at you by your mum at least once in your life

44. Your dad is ALWAYS right. Or else...

45. You have a normal first name but most people can’t pronounce your surname.

46. You go through more hair gel than water in one day

47. When you were a kid you spoke with a some sort of a strange accent

48. You play the bongos

49. Half of your family have the same name. They have all been named after a great grandfather.

50. You’ve grown every goatee possible.